Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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