I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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