can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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