nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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