hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bring me that man meat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
