They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
