I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
