I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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