just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
