I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
