i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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