guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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