Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
