I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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