I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
