whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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