well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
