In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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