I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
