Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
