just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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