he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
