i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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