just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
