Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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