take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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