In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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