when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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