Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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