So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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