i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
