I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
