I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
