Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
