Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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