I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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