the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
