let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
