Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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