As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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