I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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