You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i have two assholes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
