The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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