end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
