What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
