i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sarcasm needs its own font
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
