Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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