I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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