this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
