They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
