guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're like the curious george of whores
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
