I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
