I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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