dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
