How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Alive.
So much puke
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
