the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
