if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
