Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
